mizquotes
Quotes Reinvented
1. I am a lover of two kinds of fine music. The Loud and the Very Loud… for better or for worse, til deaf do us part.
2. I m not into working out..my philosophy: No pain, no pain.
3. Sex is demeaning. The more I miss.. de meaner I get.
4. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. ~Herm Albright
5. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit…Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
6. Sometimes I lie awake at night and I ask, “Where have I gone wrong?” Then a voice says to me, “This is going to take more than one night.”
7. I am not going through an odd phase…. I am really odd.
8. Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll touch it to make sure.
9. All things are possible…except skiing through a revolving door.
(#10, #11 , and #12 are definitions given by a grade schooler in answer to some quiz items)
10. Gravity was invented by Isaac Newton. It is chiefly noticeable in Autumn.
11. Beethoven was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music.
12. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but another man by that name.
(this is a short essay on “Exodus” written by a grade six student )
13. Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without ingredients. Moses then went up to Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he reached Canada.
14. I’ve been waiting my whole life for just one fuck… All i needed was just one fuck, how can you say that you don’t give a fuck?
15. We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.
16. Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
17. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
18. Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
19. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
20. Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.
21. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
22. A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
23. Friends are like bras… close to your heart and there for support.
The first three quotes are originally mine, the others are from quotes i’ve collected from everywhere… from e-mails, shouts from my social networks, instant messages, tv shows or sites i’ve stumbled upon on the web some of which i forgot to take note of the URL. Those i’ve posted here, are the ones i consider the best of the bests, as of this writing, a mix of the funny, the witty and the stupid.
“And after when you’ve read and done, and no matter how long it took, please don’t judge me…..because…I am not a book.”
The following quotes would be on the serious side… (yes Virginia, I do have a serious side)… focusing on life and love.
1. You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you’ll discover will be wonderful. What you’ll discover is yourself. – Alan Alda
2. There are no happy endings. There are no real endings ever — happy or otherwise.We all have our own stories which are just a part of the one story that binds us to this world. Sometimes we step into each others’ stories… perhaps just for a few minutes, perhaps for years — and then we step out of them again. But all the while, the story just goes on. The story called life.
3. Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but the moments that take our breath away.
4. Life… is like a box of chocolates – a cheap, thoughtless, perfunctory gift that no one ever asks for, unreturnable because all you get back is another box of chocolates. So, you’re stuck with mostly undefinable whipped mint crap, mindlessly wolfed down when there’s nothing else to eat while you’re watching the game. Sure, once is a while you get a peanut butter cup or an English toffee but it’s gone too fast and the taste is fleeting. In the end, you are left with nothing but broken bits filled with hardened jelly and teeth-shattering nuts, which, if you are desperate enough to eat, leaves nothing but an empty box of useless brown paper ~The X-Files
5. Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first. ~Mark Twain
6. Take chances, take a lot of them. Because honestly, no matter where you end up and with whom, it always ends up the way it should be. Your mistakes make you who you are. you learn and grow with each choice you make. everything is worth it. say how you feel, always… be you and be okay with it.
7. We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. – Anais Nin
8. Infatuation… is when you think he’s as sexy as Robert Redford, as smart as Henry Kissinger, as noble as Ralph Nader, as funny as Woody Allen, and as athletic as Jimmy Connors. … Love is when you realize that he’s as sexy as Woody Allen, as smart as Jimmy Connors, as funny as Ralph Nader, as athletic as Henry Kissinger and nothing like Robert Redford – but you’ll take him anyway. ~Judith Viorst, Redbook, 1975
9. Do I love you because you’re beautiful,
Or are you beautiful because I love you? ~Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein II
10 . Just because somebody doesn’t love you the way you want them to, doesn’t mean they don’t love you with all they have. ~Author Unknown
11. Love is like lightning… you get struck once and baby, it kills. ~anonymous
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